The Boy Child….
I was at work some weeks back, and some male friends of mine and I had a round table discussion about domestic violence, because it was rampant and more men where the culprits of this despicable act. I know this is a very sensitive topic but I would highlight some points this very intelligent men gave and we can all agree to disagree on this points. (and yes it was during our break don’t worry lol)
The first and most important sentence I got from the discussion was this “we will be here to reap the neglect of the boy child especially in Africa”. This struck me, He further added, while it is good we all preach and advocate for the education and liberation of the girl child, what happens to the boy child, who believes he must be all-conquering and physical and doesn’t know any other way, what happens to the boy child that is not taught values on how to be a gentleman, how to stand up for what is true, how to respect a lady. What happens to the boy child that is handled with kid gloves while is sisters are handled with strict hands, He goes rogue that is what happens. It is imperative that Parents start the training of the boy child and monitor him closely because he also has a part to play, a major part in curbing this trend. The education and liberation must not stop with just the girl child alone, but the boy child must be taught to handle situations with his words and not his fist, must be taught about civility instead of hostility, must be taught women should be loved and respected not dominated, he should be taught that when he gets married though he is the Pilot, he has a competent co-pilot, together they can take off and land the family plane safely and pass this values down to the next generation.
Also while we discussed, someone mentioned about emotional violence, now this is one aspect that is not seen because it does not leave any physical marks or scars on the body, but it affects the mind, leaves psychological scars and can lead to depression which is a big issue. Women must help their man in this regards, talking down your man or making him feel less than a man is as evil as physical abuse, trust me a man is as emotional as a woman, forget the showmanship and tough stance they try to show in public, words affect men too and the continuous bantering of the mind will cause more harm than good, this goes also to men talking down on their women. There would be misunderstanding, Yes… The man would probably err also ….. Yes…. But let us watch what comes out because that can be what leads the man down a bad path.. LET ME STATE BOLDLY HERE IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO ABUSE ANYONE PHYSICALLY!!!
Finally for now Marriage is not for kids or the emotionally immature, If you go into marriage for the wrong reasons, you will end it abruptly… People should learn in this time and age that marrying for money, fame or physical attributes alone can only bring temporary happiness, what about the other things, his/her character, his/her attitude, his/her believes, what drives them, what are their goals? Does it align with your goals, do you see him/her parenting your child and you would be proud. What about communication, how open are you both to each other. This and many more have to be considered, because if you go for things that can fade away, if they do, then the marriage also fades, no wonder the rate of divorce is at an all-time high and this is closely followed by the rate of domestic violence. The Marriage vows have not changed….. It is for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you both part. Can you boldly beat your chest and say you will be with this person through the lines of those vows? If your answer is NO, then you are with the wrong person and not ready for marriage… Marriage is not by force, don’t let anyone pressure you into it biko, it is you that will suffer, endure or enjoy it while inside, don’t let family, friends, colleagues or what the society is saying influence you. DO you and what makes you happy, because once you are inside there is no turning back.
“Let’s not forget the boy child’s education is very important also and it should be looked into thoroughly”. May God help us all.